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BACON’S REBELLION !!!

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BACON’S REBELLION !!!

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Since 2016, America has been in crisis…..

There comes a time in the history of all civilized nations when the “norms” of civilized behavior break down. Discord reigns. Courtesy to others wane. Distrust and ugliness accelerate. Soon the rule of law becomes fragmented.

Don't take my ham

Mrs. Butterworth: FIRST CLASS BITCH!

I believe we are living in such a time now, and have been the last 4 years. During such times, I believe it is acceptable to “take the law into your own hands, and do what you have to do.”

You see the Edwards Ham smokehouses in Surry County burned down in 2016 and this dearth of Virginia Ham started our national dysfunction.

Today I did what I had to do, what any red blooded Virginian would do to preserve his family’s honor and happiness on Thanksgiving.

Desperate times call for desperate measures. There was only one ham left, and an elderly lady of about 80 put her cold, liver spotted hand on it just before mine. Oh, that BITCH! I waited outside, intent on redemption. I clothes-lined her right in front of the handicapped parking sign and took my spoils. Veni, vidi, vici!

PS: If you’d like to send Mrs. Butterworth a card, she will be recovering at St. Mary’s until after Christmas…….

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Rob Smith

Rob Smith is a lawyer and Managing Director of Chartwell Capital in Richmond, Virginia. He is mean as a snake and likes to kick little puppies when he see them. He also enjoys making children cry and tripping old ladies. He is extremely superficial and shallow. His favorite pastimes/hobbies are pissing people off, littering and being obnoxious.

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