Abigail Spanberger is the poster child for why women were once not allowed to vote or run for political office. As all men know, women have the IHRCMM gene. This mutant defect in the human genome has frustrated men since caveman days. If one travels to the Lascaux Cave in southwest France near the town of Montignac-Lascaux, one will see elaborate Stone Age paintings of Paleolithic life. One scene has a woman talking to a man, and the man is beating his skull with a rock. What is the IHRCMM gene? An acronym for “I Have the Right to Change My Mind.” Menfolk, how many times has a woman made a representation to you upon which you relied — at your expense in time or treasure — only for her to breach the agreement with the words, “Well, I changed my mind”?

This genetic defect is so embedded in female neurology that female politicians think it’s perfectly okay to promise the electorate one thing and, once elected, simply change their minds and do the exact opposite. Men call this lying. Women call it “I Changed My Mind!” They don’t even flinch. They show no remorse. It doesn’t take a Johns Hopkins University neurologist to figure out that Abigail Spanberger’s IHRCMM is particularly acute.

Many male politicians, all Democrats, lie all the time, but that’s not because of the IHRCMM gene. It’s because they are possessed by the devil. They know they are lying, but pleasing Satan and destroying all that is good is their primary mission. I can respect that because at least it is rooted in some sense of logic.

Speaking of logic — or the lack thereof — let’s discuss the women’s suffrage movement. In 1919, when Congress voted on the Nineteenth Amendment to the United States Constitution, 89 men in the House and 25 men in the Senate voted “nay.” I’m proud to say that both of Virginia’s senators had the foresight to vote no, and Virginia refused to ratify the amendment. During the floor debate, Virginia Senator Beauregard J. Cornbread, IV famously addressed his fellow senators by uttering these words: “Have y’all lost your fu#king minds?” It was the first time the “F-word” was ever mentioned on the Senate floor.

Logic is the ability to view an intended action and see not only the immediate results of the completed action, but also the ripple effects, the consequences, and the multiple consequences flowing from those first consequences. Webster’s Dictionary defines “logic” as “the exact opposite of the ubiquitous female characteristic called feel-goodism.”

Feel-goodism is the root cause of other chronic female conditions, such as the disorder called “retail therapy.” If Suzy is feeling blue, her response is to go out and buy lots of shiny objects she can’t afford instead of fixing the problem that made her blue to begin with. In the not-too-distant future, the power company will shut off her electricity and her car will be repossessed. Feel-goodism blocks out all rational thought. It is totally one-dimensional. The dopamine release dissolves into the cerebral blood flow and wipes out any ability to envision the future. Suzy is locked in the euphoria of feeling, a one-level dimension. She feels as though she has accomplished something of great value. This emotive high blocks out her cognitive ability to understand the damage she has done.

This brings us to Abigail Spanberger and her newly passed “Family Leave Act.” It is female feel-goodism on steroids. An employee gets 12 weeks off for any number of reasons at 80% of the average state wage. Everybody in the Commonwealth is taxed for this benefit. One can work for 40 or 50 years, have the state withdraw money from every paycheck, and never avail oneself of “family leave.” Every employee will be eligible for 12 weeks of paid leave every year. Eligibility is not just for having a child. It exists if the employee “claims” to be taking care of someone with health problems or if the employee “claims” to have health issues. That’s not all. The statute also provides for paid leave for “legal assistance, counseling, relocation assistance, law enforcement help, medical treatment, home security,” etc. Definitions so broad that virtually everybody can find a way to avail themselves of a 12-week vacation every year.

Last week after the bill was signed, Abigail had a hen party with her supporters where they gleefully cackled about what a great day it was, lacking the cognitive ability to understand the monumental waste of resources and human productivity they had created. None of these feel-good cacklers has ever run a business or created a job in the private sector. To say that the bill is a ginormous invitation for massive fraud is much like saying Dolly Parton has big boobs. Duh! If you stump your toe, 12 weeks. Twelve weeks to help your allegedly “sick” friend. Every woke liberal woman will be eligible for 12 weeks (severe mental illness), and the same woman will be eligible to care for one of her woke, mentally ill (extremely bitter) girlfriends.

When one thinks of feminine attributes, math doesn’t exactly come to mind. The cost to adequately monitor the free giveaways would likely exceed the almost incalculable costs of the program itself. Then there are the lifetime payroll deductions for every worker in Virginia to pay for other people to “go on holiday.” There’s the cost of compliance for employers, who are also taxed. Profits will suffer as employers can’t fire employees for going AWOL for 12 weeks, and of course there will be massive litigation by the plaintiffs’ bar, which will find new ways to get employees to lie so they can sue business owners and get more freebies.

Government policy should instill virtue — most importantly, individual responsibility and self-reliance. The damage this bill does to the social fabric is more harmful than the bad math. It’s repugnant to me to think of a man taking 12 weeks off because his wife had a baby. A new father should be working harder than ever. Instead of buying $8 lattes, new pairs of skinny jeans, and going to Taylor Swift concerts, how about saving money and being a man as opposed to mooching off the public? Families have been having babies for millions of years; now suddenly we need government help to have children. My God! The insufferable entitlement! We already have too many fat, blue-haired freaks who think the world owes them something.

There’s more estrogen-induced bad math. Virginia’s own Planning and Budget Office estimates that the Virginia Employment Commission will spend $64 million to build the computer system, $6.7 million in additional operating expenses, $77 million in 2027 startup costs, and $39 million in 2028. An additional 314 state employees will need to be hired. It estimates that by 2031 the program will cost $2.1 billion per year, all of it coming from workers’ wages. Of course, as is always the case with government estimates, actual expenses will be many multiples of what the government “experts” predict.

Feminine math and feel-goodism — could anything be more destructive? Senator Cornbread is rolling in his grave!