THE DECONSTRUCTIONIST PARTY AND THE END OF TWEEDLEBOPPERY
I am here to save America! In recognition of July 4th, and the reasons behind the struggle for Independence, I have decided to create a new political party, the Deconstructionist Party. Naturally, since I invented the damn thing, I will be on the top of the Presidential ticket. If you’re interested in the VP spot, send me your resume and a $1,000 “processing fee.”
The Tories in Colonial America were part of the well-connected political class of the British Empire. Most received their livelihoods through political patronage. Some were simple government flunkies who enjoyed their prestige, power over others and opportunities to engage in graft and corruption. Others were crony capitalists who received special favors through the benefits associated with the administration of the Colonies. This class was loathed by American patriots, much like the DC and the academic elites are detested today. Like 1776, all their power and money was extracted from the taxes paid by the people who hated them, and for whom, they in return looked down upon as “deplorables.” Sound familiar?
Before I tell you about the Deconstructionist platform, let me fully disclose a few facts about me that the DC operation research teams and dirty trick committees will surely try and use to discredit my candidacy. In the 6th grade, Tyler Walker and I were smoking cigarettes in my family’s barn, and accidently burnt it to the ground. Later that year, his brother Bob and I were throwing snowballs and cracked Mr. Rouse’s windshield. In response, he let loose several barrels of buckshot that went whizzing by us as we ran for cover. I can attest to the veracity of Winston Churchill’s pronouncement that “there is nothing more exhilarating that to have been shot at and missed.” At 16, under the spell of Dionysus, I ran off the road, snapped a utility pole in half and all the lights in Warsaw, Virginia went out.
At the University of Virginia, I of course adhered to its sacred Honor System, and did not “lie, cheat or steal.” I found that you were allowed to pretty much do anything else as long as you were honest about it and did so with good manners. In 1853, a distinguished British visitor to Charlottesville stated “it gives me great pleasure to say, that although the vivacity of these blooded colts frequently leads them into all sorts of deviltries and excesses, they have almost invariably the manners of gentlemen.” Back before UVA became a panty waist school of histrionic wokeness, it used to have a “bail bond” fund. The University posted your bail when you got thrown in jail. The University expected 20-year-old southern boys, filled with testosterone and bourbon to occasionally find themselves at odds with the criminal justice system. UVA is a school of venerable traditions. As Edgar Allen Poe would attest, discharging firearms while sipping “sipping whiskey” is a time-honored tradition. Thus, if I have done anything un PC, I am just a product of my raising. However, unlike our Sallyboy Virginia governor, Ralph Northam, I own everything I did and am not apologizing. And to be completely transparent, a few local constables in various towns from Key West to Nantucket did invite me to spend the night at their spartan “boarding houses” during my university years. Chapel Hill, North Carolina has the best jail food in the country. Amherst County, Virginia, home of Sweet Briar College, the worst. Ok, back to my presidential campaign.
The Deconstructionist Party will deconstruct the institutions of government and devolve authority back to the people. All the problems facing the good ole USA derive from too much money flowing into Washington. Take the money away, and the giant cesspool of waste and corruption will dissipate and wither away. It as though we are in the midst of a Euripidean play and a small army of drinking and reveling satyrs are having their way with us. Have you ever noticed that the Left funds all their advocacy by extracting money from the Middle and the Right? Remember John Kerry’s 1995 tax return, $0 in charitable contributions. In 2008, ABC News reported that Joe and Jill Biden gave on average $369/year to charity over the preceding decade. The Grand Poobahs of the Left who advocate massive spending (of other people’s money) to “solve” every “perceived” social problem give little of their own money to these celebrated causes. This is emblematic of how the Donkey Party operates. Take NPR, they advance pinko causes, but you pay for it. Primary education? If you don’t have an extra $80,000 of after-tax income, your three kids are forced to go to public schools. Here they can’t pray in school, are taught that sex changes are really cool and hip and that the United States sucks (see Critical Race Theory). It’s all done with your money! Higher education works the same way.
The Department of Justice? It sues a big corporation, which settles for a gazillion dollars, and then the DOJ gives the money to left wing special interest groups. Unions? Some workers are forced to join a union, they pay dues and the dues goes straight into the coffers of the Democratic Party. Biden proposes a $2.5 trillion “infrastructure” plan, but only 6.5% is earmarked for infrastructure. The other 93.5% is used to enrich those loyal to the Swamp. I could go on………..
It’s quite sickening when you think about it. Congress passes massive spending bills by continuing resolution that no Congressman has even read! If it were discovered that a town councilman in Podunk, Kansas didn’t read the ordinance he just voted for, he’d be tarred and feathered, a practice that sadly is underutilized today. The graft and political back scratching is criminal. For example, if you are a US Senator from Delaware, you can funnel taxpayer money to the University of Delaware and in return, your ditzy wife with 3rd grade language skills gets a doctorate! The more political power you have, the more favors you get. A skilled artisan of the “Scratch My Back Game” with an enterprising son can get the Chinese Communist Party to loan $5 million to their fictitious company, and they don’t have to pay the money back! Of course, cancelled debt is 1099 C ordinary income, but the IRS doesn’t enforce the law against its own Swamp peeps.
The other day, I went to a cemetery filled with Revolutionary soldiers. I put my ear down on multiple graves to see what these boys had to say, and almost all of these fellas said “what a bunch of tweedleboppers y’all are!” Tweedleboppers being an 18th century version of the “P-word.” These guys left their homes for 8 years to fight the greatest army in the world because their tea was over taxed. They were not Tweedleboppers. Now we let the government take 40% of our income, shut our businesses down and send their political allies to riot and burn down our neighborhoods. I am amazed at the tweedleboppery, which no doubt is a result of participation trophies and the lack of fried bologna sandwiches in our kids’ diets.
The less money given the government and the more money left in the hands of the people who created it, the better off the US and indeed the world. For it is capital, left in private hands that creates everything good in the world. Many see the world as it is and can’t envision anything other than the status quo. Visionaries who have created businesses from scratch can look at existing operating entities (like government departments and agencies) and see better ways to accomplish the same goals using a private business model.
I am the ideal presidential candidate for the Deconstructionist Party because there is nary a government function that I can’t eliminate or find a better way to achieve the same ends in the private sector. Once I eliminate Social Security, Medicare, the Department of Education, etc., the genius of American capitalism will provide more efficient and innovative solutions to achieve the same ends. Necessity is the mother of invention. All that needs to be done is to CUT THE MONEY OFF.
A good ole fashioned tax revolt should do the trick.
P.S. I just thought of a few other things I might need to disclose before my presidential run, but sadly this column is out of space.