THE SOFT HANDS RULE

My friend Janie is a babe and a Washington mover and shaker. Over the years when she needed a tall, handsome and charming escort for a particular Washington event or gala, naturally she’d call me. One Sunday, after one such event, at her Georgetown Episcopal Church, I had an epiphany, although not a religious one.  During coffee hour I remember shaking hands with numerous Washington lawyers and lobbyists. It was like sticking your hand between two pillows. Every single one of them; soft hands and no grip. My intuitive extra sensory connections to all the cosmic forces of the universe told me all I needed to know about these folks.  Grifters!  Using other people’s money to fatten up their pudgy lifestyles. I could tell these people were the gate keepers for the modern administrative state, and like Zacchaeus the tax collector, they got their oily cut at the expense of the people they burdened.

Men with soft pillow hands have no courage, so I also knew that no matter how much waste, fraud and corruption they witnessed, they’d never have the guts to speak out, especially as they profited from  Washington’s illicit ways. And these were the church goers! Rule # 1. Never trust a man with soft pillow hands.

THE WHEN NO ONE’S LOOKING RULE

I’ve been telling people for years that the Left uses our money to finance their nefarious activities. The recent revelations by Elon Musk’s DOGE confirms what I’ve always suspected, an almost inconceivable level of corruption, not to mention treason.  Right now, among the crumbling ruins and hot flowing lava of hell, both Caligula and Papa Doc Duvalier are commiserating with each other. “We might be eternally damned, but at least we had the record for the most corrupt governments in history! Now, we’ve been surpassed by the Democrat Party!”

Through Musk’s efforts, we now know that USAID has been a $40 billion/year slush fund for the radical, America hating Left. It has funded terrorists, paid billions to leftist news platforms and influencers, all the while spending huge sums of cash to shut down and bankrupt voices that don’t tote the Neo-Marxist line. Then there is the monumental corruption of giving wheelbarrows of money to “front” organizations, “NGOs” and “foundations” run by members of the left-wing Washington elite. In short, a giant money laundering machine. The money goes out to favored groups (with no accounting controls), and those groups do the illicit activities for the corrupt elite while funneling a healthy portion of the funds they receive back into the pockets of Washington crooks and fellow travelers among the Deep State.

When third parties are in control of someone else’s money and no one is looking over their shoulder, there will always be massive corruption.

THE HIDE THE BALL RULE

I’ve seen this play a million times. When people in control of other people’s money are suspected of bad behavior and they don’t immediately open the books and be completely transparent, they are stealing money and doing bad things. When Chuck “Grandpa Munster” Schumer caterwauls against his accusers, instead of being outraged at the monumental fraud,  it’s pretty damn clear that he and the rest of the Munster family are crooks.

THE LYING SNAKE RULE

People who lie about one thing, likely lie about everything. We Latin scholars call this falsus in uno falsus in omnibus. In my recent column on Pete Hegseth, I stated that the lowest class of  weasaldom are politicians who purposefully engage in character assassination, wrecking a good man’s honor with known lies. These are the folks who are the beneficiaries of the biggest and most corrupt political scandal in American history. So, no matter what they say, remember they are slimy, seditious serpents of suck-up sycophancy, i.e., likely lying about everything.

THE CHARM SCHOOL RULE

In July 2021, I wrote an article on epiphanies I had had, where I pretty much predicted the USAID scandal (I’m kind of a modern day prophet). In the article, I came up with the Charm School Rule, based on a novel by Nelson DeMille where the Soviets captured Americans and created a school to teach Soviet spies how to be American. I wondered if the practice was true and then came to the conclusion that a country that killed millions of its own people was not only capable of doing all lesser crimes than genocide, but was very likely to have committed all these lesser crimes. The same rule applies to people. Someone who steals, almost assuredly, is a liar, someone who commits violent acts, almost assuredly steals, and so on. When the political class funds terrorist groups through USAID that kill Americans, fund the George Floyd riots, pay groups to mutilate children through transgender surgeries, secretly funnel money to other countries to steal elections in favor of socialist candidates, the individuals making up this political class are not only individually capable of a whole host of other crimes, but almost assuredly have committed these crimes. If you funnel money to terrorists to kill Americans who’s to say that you didn’t groom a 20-year-old boy with a rifle in Butler, Pennsylvania?

TIP OF THE ICEBERG RULE

When the Soft Hands, When No One’s Looking, Hide The Ball, Lying Snake and Charm School Rules are all present, they form to create the Tip of the Iceberg Rule.  It is a 100%  surety that the fraud and corruption uncovered in USAID are also  present in every crevice of our federal government. We’ve only seen the tip of the iceberg.

THE MUST HAVE REPURCUSSIONS RULE

I often see lawyers draft contracts where they state a party “can’t do” a certain activity, but have no language listing the repercussions if such party does the forbidden activity. In the real world, guess what? If there are no repercussions or penalties, a party is going to ignore a “Can’t Do” rule and do what it wants. The Trump administration is doing the right thing by totally eradicating USAID, but like mushrooms after a rainstorm, the despicable crook and soft hands coalition will pop up again and again as long as they have access to other people’s money.   When Willie Sutton was asked why he robbed banks, he retorted “because that’s where the money is.” Washington will always have money. Therefore, the only way to stop the corruption is by severely punishing the bad actors.

Public hangings anyone?