Arthur Sulzberger begs ROB IS RIGHT to buy NYT

Wells folks, the New York Times has just said “No Mas” to ROB IS RIGHT. They can’t compete. We are driving them out of business. Our viewership is soaring, theirs is in the toilet. Now the pinko Commies want a federal bailout.   Here at Rob Is Right, we believe in competition and the spirit of enterprise! Our revenue is soaring because  America wants to hear what we have to say! Just yesterday, Arthur Sulzberger called me and begged me to buy the NYT. I said “No, you America hating bastard!” He just doesn’t get it. The NYT  does not have our expert analysis or devotion to true and accurate reporting. Most of all, the NYT  does not have truly stupid sophomoric videos or juvenile articles on PENISES!

In other news today…….the Chinese have apparently lied about the Corona-virus numbers! Gee, who would have ever think that a country that has killed tens of millions of people would ever lie about anything?

Also a massive shipment of toilet paper got “wiped out.” But don’t worry folks, there are plenty of editions of the NYT to make up for the loss.

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